Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize