If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize