he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
