she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
