so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
