I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
