we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
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Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
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At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.