Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost