census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
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Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
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First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.