I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize