Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
