So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
