so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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