i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
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There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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