I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The Olympian is in my bed
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
