yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
