My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
