Can i not drive my cunt home
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
