Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
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He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
They took my balls.
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If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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