You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
