So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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