First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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