who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just want nice things and good sex
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
