you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
