hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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