i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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