True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
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