12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
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When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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