I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
