I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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