arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
