I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
