The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i just had sex bonerless
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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