I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
