so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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