I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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