i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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