This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Randomize
