I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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