I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
