I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
