found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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