Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
