According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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