): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You took a bar mat shot.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
