We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
