well he's currently spooning the coffee table
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Watching her eat just hurts me
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
