so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
