I wish I could teleport
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
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yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.