Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
