Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
