I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
sex in a hospital.. check
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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