My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
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Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
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It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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