I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
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