There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
