He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize