I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
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I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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