Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Sext me about skeletons
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
