this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
