Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
