I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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