Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
