This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
