I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
cat food counts as protein by the way
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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