Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
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