you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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