I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
