Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
